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1996-01-20
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796b
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29 lines
Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad New Year's Eve Party
10. Brand of champagne: Dom Deluise
9. At midnight everyone gathers around to watch your Uncle Earl's pants
drop
8. You wake up the next morning wearing a medallion and there's a note
from Al Sharpton,
7. You hear a guy count down before using the bathroom
6. Joycelyn Elders is there trying to get herself drunk
5. It's eleven o'clock at night, and you're watching Roger Ebert play
Twister
4. Six times in a row, a champagne cork lodges in your trachea
3. The so-called "Party Hats" are really Letterman's old hairpieces
2. Everyone's gathered around the TV watching that geezer from "American
Bandstand"
1. It's over by 9:30
Letterman, 1/1/96
) 1996 Worldwide Pants, Incorporated. All Rights Reserved